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MAG.E 4
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MAG.E 4 (Disk 1 of 2).adf
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1977-12-31
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92 lines
@3THE CHARACTERS OF THE RED DWARF ACTORS
======================================
According to `The Man In The Rubber Mask', by Robert Llewellyn, Chris is a
very rich man thanks to all of these voice-overs he's doing. In addition Danny
@3Jules and Craig Charles seem to be more than a little bit jealous of his
wealth (which he invests in exotic motor-cars) and tease him about it
relentlessly. Danny seems to have a fascination with the private income of a
certain singer called Pavarotti as the following excerpt from TMITRM
illustrates splendidly...
"The journey back [[from the recording in Manchester]] was often very rowdy,
since everyone was high from doing the show. We would have videos of Star Trek
playing, Craig would be roaming the coach looking for cigarettes, cans of beer
or trouble, and Danny would be holding court about how much Pavarotti earned.
`For just one night, guy,' he would say dramatically, holding your gaze, then
suddenly, `just one night the geezer has to sing, and he doesn't get a fee,
guy. They don't give him no fee. They give the man a cheque-book and say,
write out however much you want, Mr Pavarotti, sir. I tell you, that man makes
serious money.'
`What you on about, Dan?' says Craig who appears from the seat behind.
`Danny's just filling us in on the facts behind Pavarotti's bank-balance,'
@3says Chris, `and very interesting it is too, sir.'
`You're not still on about Pavarotti, are you, Dan?'
`I tell you, guy,' says Dan, now seriously warming to his subject, `he doesn't
get paid in money, he gets paid in bullion.'
`What planet d'you live on Dan?' asks Craig, reaching across to get a can of
wicked-strength lager.
@3`Bullion, man, he doesn't have a wallet, he gets followed around by a
Securicor van full of his spending bullion.'
`I don't expect all that money makes him happy though. Dan.' I say.
@3`Bollocks, man,' says Craig, `it would make me happy.'
`He is seriously rich, guy, I'm tellin' you.'
`I believe you, Dan,' says Chris. `I'm perfectly prepared to believe the man
earns some serious money.'
`Not as much as you though, Chris,' says Craig, laughing through his teeth.
`Well, I'm not prepared to say', says Chris.
`No, but you do earn a lot of money, Chris,' says Craig. No comment from
Chris.
`You bought that Bentley last year.'
`A Bentley! Did you really buy a Bentley, Chris, man?' asks Danny.
`I'm afraid I did, sir,' says Chris.
`That is a serious poom-poom wagon,' says Danny.
I am lost now, I have no idea what a poom-poom wagon is. Danny finds this very
amusing.
@3
`He don't know what a poom-poom wagon is, guy,' says Danny to Craig.
`Where have you been, Robert, man, with all your poxy Oxbridge mates? A poom-
poom wagon is a car that you get a bit of poom-poom in,' says Craig, making
various gestures with his arms and central torso area which indicate sexual
intercourse.
`Oh, right, with you,' I say, trying to be hip. Failing miserably.
`A Bentley, man,' says Danny. `That is serious executive poom-poom material.'
@3
The concept of executive poom-poom was clearly beyond anything Craig would
tolerate. `Danny, you really are totally out of order, man.'
`I must say, Dan,' said Chris jocularly, `I have never seen the Bentley in
terms of its poom-poomness, but now you mention it you may well have a point.'
`I'm tellin' you, guy, you could get some serious poom-poom if you cruise
around in that motor, you know what I'm saying? A Bentley.'"
@3
I find that the real-life conversations of the actors (as reported in the
book) are nearly as funny as those of the Red Dwarf characters themselves. It
must be a hoot to write scipts for them all! 8-)
@3
Steve Williams